Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

I had a pretty stressful week.  I let a lot of things get to me.  Someone hit my car.  Another month passed in which my body denied me one of my biggest dreams.  It’s a crazy time at work and I didn’t feel good for most of the week, but as another week closes and I think about all the stress, I realize that I really don’t have a lot to stress about. When I think about all of the things that other people are going through, I realize that my worries are pretty trivial.  I am pretty damn lucky.

What a Way to Start the Day

I get up and head off to work like any normal day.  I need to get gas so I stop at a gas station on the way. 

As I pull in, I notice that there is a heavy-duty truck at the first tank so I start to pull around to get to the tank in front of him. He seems like he is getting ready to pull out so I stop right next to him so I don’t cut him off or get hit.

As I sit, I see him look in his rearview mirror, in his drivers side mirror, and then he starts to pull out.

“He’s going to hit me.”

I hit my horn.  He keeps moving as he looks around, confused, and keeps coming.

“What, am I invisible?”

I hit my horn again as he crunches into my car and turns to look at me, incredulously.  He throws his hands up in the air as if I have run into him!

He backs up and I hear my car groan.  I cringe and put the car in park.

He gets out of the car and yells, “Where did you come from? I checked my mirrors!”

“I was sitting right next to you.  I saw that you were going to pull out and I stopped so that I didn’t cut you off.”

He looks at the front of my car.

“Was this here before?”, he asks.

“No.”

At this point, I am shaking.  I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know what to say.  We exchange insurance information.  He apologizes profusely.  He was trying not to hit the gas tanks with his trailer (construction) and he didn’t see me.

While we are exchanging information, another truck drives by and the driver leans out the window and yells, “Hey buddy, watch where you’re going next time!”

The car assailant smiles, waves and mutters, “I really didn’t need my neighbor to see me do that.”

It was probably good for everyone that he hit me and not the gas tanks.  My day could have started out a lot worse.   

I’m ok – my car?  Well, she probably needs a new front bumper.  Thankfully he missed the front quarter panel.

Am I Too Nice?

Today, while I was talking to a co-worker she mentioned that I came up in a conversation she was having with her boyfriend.

“I was talking to Mike and I said that no matter how mad Suz is, she always seems so nice.  Even when I know she can’t stand the person…  I’m so not like that.  It’s obvious when I don’t like someone and I think that’s bad.”

That got me thinking.  Am I too nice?  Do I take too much crap from other people?  I have long been the doormat choosing the “kill them with kindness” route, but then there are those times when I’ve had enough and I let some poor soul have it. This normally happens at the most inopportune times.

Did you ever get so sick of the way that someone treats you that you vow that the next time they piss you off you’re going to let them have it?  Invariably the next “offense” is so minor and you flip out making yourself look like the asshole.  I guess everyone does that, but I seem to do that a lot.  I think because I let things simmer slowly for a long time.  When I finally come to a boil, it’s a nasty i-forgot-to-turn-down-the-heat-and-there-is-milk-in-the-water kind of boil over.  It stinks.

I really do try to turn the other cheek anymore and try and kill them with kindness, but sometimes I think that the person that you’re “killing” ends up thinking you’re an idiot because they’re clearly walking all over you and you’re just taking it and smiling.  I guess that’s when you have to believe in Karma and that the universe will give that person a big old slice of Karma pie someday. 

I really want to be there when some people get slapped in the face with it.  Really.

So, am I too nice?  I guess sometimes I am, but sometimes I’m ridiculously angry for no reason and over-reactive (is that a word?), and whiney.

I guess I’m just human.

How My Day Started AKA I was in the UK?

I started my day out with an email, @DaisyPantalones and a DM from my sister on Twitter.
(Pardon the paraphrasing)
Vee – I’m sorry to contact you at work, but someone has hacked your Gmail account and is impersonating you.
I immediately freak and grab my phone and realize that someone has, indeed, hacked into my Gmail account and sent the most scandalous email. ( The red italics are my commentary.)
Subject: (BRUTAL EXPERIENCE) I NEED YOUR HELP URGENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am writing this mail with tears in my eye. (In the flight over 

I seem to have lost an eye. Horrible accident, I’ll tell you more 

about that in tomorrow’s post.)I thought I could reach out to you 

to help me out. I came out to United Kingdom for a short vacation 

unfortunately I was mugged at the park of the Hotel where I stayed,

all cash,credit card and cell phone ( I would kill for my phone so 

this, you can see, is a serious situation.) were stolen from me but 

luckily for me I still have my passport with me. I've been to the 

embassy and the Police here but they're not helping issues at all 

and my flight leaves in few hour from now but.

I am having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager

 won't let me leave until I settle the bills. (What an asshole. 

He let me use his work computer to send this email though. 

He’s not heartless!)I need your help to loan me some money when

i get back i will refund it back asap.(I pinky swear!)

Thanks
Susannah (my last name is here too, but well…)

Now first of all, the grammar is atrocious.  No one could possibly think it’s me.  (I hope.) 

Second, I don’t have a passport.  You fail, asshole.  Third, I talk to my family EVERY 

day. (Ok, I email almost every day…  Ok, at least once a week.) They know I’m

not overseas. Oh no, you suck again!

With all that said, I’m mortified!  Someone at work told me that they saw this exact

same situation on the news recently.  Some poor sucker fell for it and sent this 

Nigerian individual (yes, he/she was from Nigeria) money. We’re talking thousands

of dollars.  Duh!  They must walk around with a neon “I’m a sucker for everything” 

sign above their head.  Sorry if you’re one of those people that falls for every email. 

You know you’re gullible. This is not news. 

Ok, back to the story.  Not only did this person have the audacity to hack

into MY email account (I’m important, you see….) they have the double 

audacity to correspond with my sister?

“OMG I can’t believe I didn’t tell you about my trip!”  

Really?  Really?  

So, since Gmail is blocked at work, I had to clumsily change my password from

my phone.Then I logged in and realized that this asshat had gone into my settings 

and forwarded my Gmail to this other email address at Yahoo. Now I feel REALLY

violated.  Thank goodness I don’t have any real personal information on that email

account, or any for that matter.  

Thankfully, my sister (being the angel that she is and yes I’m sucking up because

Christmas is coming. No really you’re an angel --Vee) sent the whole thing to Yahoo

reporting it as Fraud and Phishing.

What’s the moral of the story here, kids?  Don’t go on your iPhone when you’re in the 

Philadelphia Airport. Also, don’t get mugged outside of your hotel while visiting the 

UK for a short vacation.  The concierge at the hotel is really a jerk and will hold

you hostage until you bilk your friends and family for money to pay the bill.  

Seeing the Forest

I have realized that I see things as if I’m a Macro lens and while it’s nice to have focus, sometimes you don’t see the bigger picture.  Dwelling on the small stuff is often destructive.  Knowing how to switch gears sometimes needs to be learned.  I’m learning.

Out Damned Spot!

I can’t seem to get out of my own head lately.  

I have not been on medication for a year or so and I thought I was doing well, but I’m starting to think that I’ve been fooling myself.  Scratch that, I have been fooling myself.  I still think that I need a coping mechanism that doesn’t involve chemicals or spending money because I don’t think that you can totally rely on medication.  For a long time that has been knitting, but lately it seems that isn’t even helping.  I find myself messing up the pattern because I get lost in my head, in some conversation that happened during the day in which I think that I may have looked like an idiot or didn’t know what I was talking about or I used the wrong word, or I said too much or I said the same thing too much or someone looked at me the wrong way or I must be annoying and that is why my someone snapped at me or I really am not good at what I do and some day soon they will figure it out and fire me and what am I going to do with my life when this happens and what if I get pregnant and what if I never get pregnant and never have children and should I really have children because I’m clearly CRAZY and can’t get out of my own head!

So, I’ve resolved that I am going to suck it up, stop the excuses, and go back to my doctor.  I’ve never had a proper diagnosis from a mental health professional.  One doctor has said it’s anxiety and depression and another has said that I am Bipolar.  Whatever it is, I need a plan to get better because something is clearly not working.  Whew!  I feel better already!

Hair dye malfunction

I dyed my hair purple red, the other night and everyone is so entranced with it.  Why are people so much more intrigued with you when you dye your hair an “unusual” color?

“OOOh, I love your hair!”

“You’re so punk rock!”

“I’ve always wanted to dye my hair that color, but I just don’t have the guts.”

That left me thinking that it really WAS as bad as I thought it was the night before.  The color was supposed to be Medium Reddish Brown.  I guess when your hair is on the blonder side of the spectrum that translates to damn near magenta. 

I read through the instructions, left it on for the 15 minutes it suggested, and when I rinsed it off I saw that the water was purplish. I thought that wasn’t too unusual because the dye always looks deeper when you’re rinsing it.  I got out of the shower and almost screamed.  My hair was PURPLE!  Of course, it was wet and would certainly lighten up.  It did, but it does look a little bit too magenta for my taste.  I already went through that phase when I was in college. 

I went through about ten different shades of Manic Panic.  At one point I had green bangs and the rest was hot pink.  Thankfully it wasn’t permanent color, but it is a little disconcerting to be out in the rain and have the dye running out of your hair onto your clothes. 

I slept with a towel on my pillow on Sunday night. 

I really hope it’s not THAT unusual looking or else I’ll be in the HR office defending my personal style.

Yearning

Warning:  Emotional Post Ahead – Brace Yourself

I had the house to myself for the past couple of days and I’m not going to lie and say it hasn’t been wonderful.  The only time I am truly alone is when I am on the way to or from work, but as I was wandering through the house today, something hit me. 

I was lonely.

I wasn’t lonely for my in-laws.  I wasn’t lonely for my hubs.  I was yearning for something that I’ve never had.  A child.  I wanted to be nurturing a child, at that moment, and I was so sad that I wasn’t.

It’s been pushed into the back of my mind, for months now, because I’ve been trying to lose weight.  I lost 30 lbs and thought I would be ready, but I was still petrified. 

I am petrified.

I’ve always been told that there is never a good time to get pregnant.  Hubs and I were always waiting for us to be in the “perfect” position to have a child.

Well, folks.  We’re running out of time.  And I’m still scared.

What if it’s too late?  What if I have a hormone problem? What if I get pregnant and go to the doctor and they are horrible to me?  I’ve had a GYN be utterly horrible to me in the past.  What if I’m a horrible mother? 

I obviously have some issues to work through.

I’ll get there. 

I hope.