Thursday, March 31, 2011

Avoidance, thy name is Blog aka What I've been doing while I haven't been here

I have all these post ideas flying around my head at all times, but I rarely post anymore. I enjoy posting, but I've been so wiped out by the time I get home each day, I just flake out.

I'm on the third week of The Diet and I'm doing well. Its mostly protein drinks, but when I'm hungry, I eat. I just have to be aware of carbs.

So far, I'm down 12lbs! Hot damn!

Hubs and I joined a local gym and went for the first time, yesterday evening.

I. Freaked. Out.

I have not had an anxiety attack like that in a looooong time.

They took us on a quick tour and then set us loose. Hubs immediately headed for the elliptical machines and I decided that I would work on some of the weight machines.

I started with the leg machines, partly because they were out of view from the main part of the gym. I immediately had issues.

I did not know what the hell I was doing. They have these little instructions on the machines, but they do not include how to get IN TO THEM! Needless to say, my clumsy ass got some bruises and banged knees (and pride) as I struggled to get in and out of these contraptions.

I finished fumbling my way through the leg machines and made my way into the larger part of the gym.

Any machines that looked interesting were in use. Anything that looked like it would be a challenge to figure out were open.

I must've looked like a lost puppy because a fellow, female member came up to me and asked me if I needed help.
Clearly, I had no idea what I was doing.
She said that the one thing they're not good at is telling you how to use the machines and I was welcome to ask her anything if I saw her when I was there. Nice lady.

By this time, I had enough. My anxiety level was at it's height. Fight or flight.

My mind said, "Flight!!!!!! Everyone is looking at you! They know you have no idea what you're doing! What ARE you wearing? Fat! Fat! Fat!"

I darted to the bathroom and sat in a stall until I could get up the guts to get the car keys from hubs and then I beat feet to the car where I waited until hubs was done with his workout.

Defeated. Teary-eyed. Mad.

I vented on Twitter. Thanks to those of you that offered kind words of support. That gym hasn't seen the last of me. I'll be back.
Hubs and I spent a long weekend in Virginia wine country a couple of weeks ago. I have got to share some of the photos. It was a good time with great friends.
I've been doing a lot of investigating with the Paranormal Group that I belong to. I've been promoted to Case Manager, but have not taken on my new role yet. It should be great! We're saving money for a mobile lab to take on investigations. Can't wait until that happens. We have some great cases that we're working on and some great ones on the horizon.

I will also be doing a blog for our new website. It's in production so I'll share the link once it's done. Can't wait!

So, clearly I've been a very busy girl.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Day two of the Dreadful Diet

So I started back up with the Dreadful Diet aka Medically Managed Anorexia aka Optifast. I am consuming very little, calorically, but it's nutritionally complete and kinda like hardcore SlimFast.

I've already lost two pounds and I fully realize it's water, though I have to drink at least 64 ounces a day.

I'm doing this for a few reasons. One being that I want to wipe the slate clean and relearn how to eat. Another benefit is that you lose weight rather quickly. You also gain it back quickly if you don't make sure you exercise to keep your metabolism going and if you go back to the same eating habits that got you into this situation in the first place. The last is that I have to lose fifty pounds before the Fertility doc will do anything with/for me. So, being almost 36, I'm done farting around.

Yes, it's drastic, but not as drastic as surgery.

I don't have to think too much about what to eat. There are not many choices and not a lot of room for error as long as you follow the plan. That's what I need right now.

I am already feeling more energy. Maybe I'm just delirious from not eating...

There are challenges, but I can do it.


Monday, March 14, 2011

Wherever you go, there you are...

So it's the last morning of my vacation in Virginia. We check out in a couple of hours and I'm still not relaxed, though I did have a few moments of relaxation during the weekend.

We had a very nice lunch at Palladio's at the Barboursville Vineyard, yesterday. It was very expensive, $400 for five people, but it was R's birthday and the food was great. The wine pairings with each course were excellent and we lingered there, in our private room, for two and a half hours.
Besides that few hours and a few times when I was sitting quietly in the cabin, I was a big ball of stress.

For. No. Reason.

I kept thinking about my recent fertility appointment and how I need to lose forty pounds in order for any meds to be prescribed. I keep kicking myself for gaining back 30 of the 35 pounds I lost this past summer. I keep stressing about work and what I'm going to walk back into when I get back. I could barely sleep each night because of all the strange noises in my unfamiliar location.

Now I sit, after I've packed up most up the cabin and I've got nothing to do, but wait to check out and I've realized I wasted my vacation stressing about all the things that I came here to get away from.
I've been seriously been thinking about going back on meds. I thought I had been doing well, but with the amount of anxiety I've been dealing with lately my stomach is a mess, my blood pressure is rising, and I can never seem to truly relax.
I guess it's time to face the music. I can't do it on my own. So, I'll be calling the doctor and getting a new prescription when I get back.

I did take some great photos and I'll be sure to share them soon.
I'm very excited about my photography seminar with the Nikon School this coming weekend. That will be awesome!

Now I'm off to finish packing. Long drive ahead...

Thursday, March 10, 2011

And a one and a two...

So I've been MIA lately.  This is obvious.  In the wintertime I become a hermit.  I get up. I work. I come home. I knit, sometimes.  I go to bed. Lather, rinse, repeat...

I need a break from the doldrums.  I need some different scenery.  I need to spend some time away from work. I. Need. A. Vacation.  Good thing, because I'm getting one!

Tomorrow, Hubs and I are headed to Virginia's wine country with our BFF's, M and R, along with their two beautiful daughters, Miss P and Miss J.  We are staying at a resort in Gordonsville, VA, Shenandoah Crossing.  We've stayed there before, in the two bedroom cabins.  This year, all they had are the three-bedroom cabins so Hubs and I will have a rambling cabin all to ourselves as we stay separate from our friends.  Last time we were next door to each other.  I'm not sure how it's working out this year.

 I really think it's the only way to go when you're vacationing with friends.  You have your own separate space to relax and you don't have to spend every minute with one another.  We have vacationed with these friends twice before.  I guess our friendship is strong as we've vacationed together and survived. 

It's beautiful there.  There are walking trails, horses, streams and lots of trees.  I am sure to find some inspiration in those hills.  I think we're going to go to Monticello this weekend as well, between visiting Horton Vineyards and Barboursville Vineyards.  It will give us a chance to stock up the wine fridge along with taking amazing photos, I'm sure.

I will be out of work until next Wednesday so I'm getting a much needed break. When I get back I'm going to be very busy.  Along with my paranormal investigations (which I really need to start posting about in an anonymous way.... how does one do that?! ) I am going to a photography seminar that the Nikon School puts on.  It should be fun.  It is an all day affair.  Soup to nuts on using my camera.  I'll learn all about ISO, aperture, exposure, white balance, etc...  By the time I leave there I will have some sort of an idea of what the hell I'm doing, I hope. 
I really want to take a proper photography class, but this is a good place to start.  I'm sick of auto-focus.  I want new lenses.  My father-in-law has a telephoto lens that I can use, but I haven't the foggiest idea how to adjust anything on my camera to take a decent picture, manually!  I really need to sit down and spend some time with the thing.  Hard to do when you feel like you have no time for anything and the photo project that you've been working on is iphoneography.
I will try to post while I'm there, on my phone.  I keep forgetting that I have an app for that.  No pictures, but I can surely describe the beautiful scenery.

Well, off to finish packing!  

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